Who knows your children better than you? Who are the best people to make plans for now and in the future for your children?
Mediation recognises that you are the parents and encourages you to make decisions without other people becoming involved (such as Courts) and making the decisions for you. Mediation understands that all children (even within the same family) are individuals with their own needs. Sometimes parents who have separated, particularly in difficult circumstances, can be overcome by the emotions of what is happening. Communication with the other parent is often very difficult and emotionally charged. But we’re all human at the end of the day!
Therefore, mediation can give people time and space to reflect on their situation and the needs of their individual children. It helps to take some of the hurt and pain out of what is a hurtful and painful situation and help parents focus on what is important to them, their children and what’s best for them.
Mediation can also help people sort out some of the financial disagreements following separation. The emphasis being on it’s your money. Why would you want someone else such as a judge to make these decisions for you? Never mind the cost!
Mediators don’t take sides in disputes. The emphasis is always your children, your money. The mediator can help guide discussions maintaining what is important to you. It is very much led by you as parents. We are not going to pass judgements, make comments on parenting styles. However, we do have to consider safeguarding issues and we also have to consider any other risk factors such as Domestic Violence and Abuse or risks around mental health or substance misuse. If there are any concerns of this nature, your mediator will discuss this with you at your individual appointment.
At the end of the day, mediation, and the role of the mediator is to provide a safe, neutral environment so that parents can have those difficult conversations they can’t have anywhere else. For those parents who decide to use mediation, it is certainly not an easy option but it does help in communication and finding ways forward for the future. Parents then find that those conversations around their children can take some of the difficulty around their separated relationship away and report benefits for their children.
Jane A, Family Mediator Changing Futures Online Mediation & Tees Valley Mediation.